allah, where are you?

I'm alone now, I think.when I need someone, he's nothing.I'm afraid I'm scared I'm desperate.why all this always happen to me?aku ga minta buat dilahirin seperti ini.disaat gue down, bahkan lagi ada masalah dia ga ngebantu gue sama sekali.dia ga ngedorong gue buat bangkit lagi.soo,inilah gue sekarang.gue ga tau buat apa tujuan gue hidup.and where are you allah?where?not only he that I need,but you too.in fact, they aren't in here,besides me.okee maybe from and after this problem I can change myself.yeah memalukan memang kalau ada yang baca ini,sesuatu hal yang bener2 ga penting dan ga bakalan dimengerti orang lain.fine,the first problem when ospek.gue ga ikut dan semua orang nyalahin gue termasuk diri gue snfiri.what can I do right now?and the answer is nothing.gue hanya harus jalani apa yang uda direncanain sama allah buat gue.terima sanksi2 yang uda direncanain sama kakak2 nya.second,my parents oh noo my family know that I don't want to become be a dentist,dan gue mau masuk trisakti dan jadi dokter gigi itu semua karena nyokap.third, gue ga ngerasain lagi sayang nya arif ke gue.ga seperti dulu lebih tepatnya.dan yang gue butuhin sekarang dorongan dan semangat but that's only my imaginary.gue ngarepim itu semua dari arif,tapi its impossible I think.and I guess gue harus ngejalanin hidup ini sendiri,no friends no boyfriend,without everybody.hmm I just want ti be annoying.I don't care I don't thinking I'm not use my heart,and everything.haaaah I'm tired.I just,not strong anymore.